Somebody get me some content!

So I ‘m sick of not knowing what to write about…so Im going to just write. Or maybe I’m just going to post videos and pictures that I find incredibly weird or entertaining. Maybe I’m going to write about unicorns, maybe I’m going to write about syphilis. Let’s keep an open mind, huh?

But I’d like to start with you watching this…

And this…

And this…

I also wasn’t aware that Wiki had a page on completely disappearing…

Speaking of disappearing, can we stop removing the shoulders from all shirts now? Not digging the “cold shoulder” look. Online shopping or shopping of any sort really, has been just a big giant NO. I will say I have saved money with these ugly trends. I scroll,  I look, I exit the app, with all the money I had when I opened it. Modcloth was my go to…but not so much anymore…The Loft, however, they are looking like my new thing, and they seem to have shoulders in most of their clothes.

Oh, Random thought! Has anyone watched The Sinner?- HOLY CRAP. The first episode was…um…..shocking. It hooks you in immediately and then you have to order pizza for dinner because you realized that you still have people to feed. I totally recommend it.

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Random List 2,487

Things I love

  1. Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake
  2. My family
  3. Bed
  4. Books
  5. Netflix
  6. Yoga
  7. Coffee
  8. More coffee
  9. Travelling
  10. Online shopping

Things I hate:

  1. Mosquitos
  2. Saving money
  3. Trying to figure out whether the salsa is still good
  4. Dirty public bathrooms
  5. When it’s the last Ozarks episode
  6. When people don’t say Hi
  7. That Ranch isn’t healthy
  8. Having to wear reading glasses
  9. Core Exercises
  10. Exercises
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Grey Matters…

grey matters

Today I’d like to talk about that which I do not have…a grey area…
Below are 10 typical situations and the reaction patterns of me and my guess lots of other neurotic, anxiety ridden folks. There is the B&W version (bad) and the grey version (good). I need more grey in my life…

Situation 1:  Coworker sends ya an email: “Hey I tried calling you because I wanted to talk to you about a few things in that last meeting. Tomorrow good?”

B&W reaction: “Great, he thought I was too aggressive and now he’s angry. He doesn’t like the way I’m handling things and Im not doing a good enough job and someone has asked him to talk to me. On top of it, I have to wait till TOMORROW!! I’m done today. Why does everything suck??? Im going for a run”

Grey reaction: “Sure thing!”

Situation 2: Partner sends text: “Hey, I just tried to call you, Call me”

B&W reaction: “Oh No, we were robbed, Dylan is hurt, and the house is on fire.”

Grey reaction: “Oh, whoops missed Michael’s call. Let me call him back”

Situation 3: Assumption of therapist’s thoughts after I tell her something weird or neurotic…

B&W reaction: “This girl forgot to pay her brain bill. WOW. I have never met anyone so weird in all my years of therapy.  I need to switch careers.”

Grey reaction: “Hmmm, heard that one before.”

Situation 4:  Head hurts, again:

B&W reaction: “What does an aneurysm feel like? Wonder if I have excess spinal fluid putting pressure on my brain? I saw that in one of those weird ways to die shows”

Grey reaction: “Hmm, headache, probably tension, where’s my Motrin?”

Situation 5:  Something wet on the bathroom handle at mini mart

B&W reaction: “Oh please no, that did not just touch me. Ugh it is soaking into my pours. Its probably a looger, or drool from someone with rabies, NOO!! What if it’s KY off some meth head’s hand? I need to go burn my hand now”

Grey reaction: “Someone didnt dry their hands all the way.”

Situation 6:  There is a leak in the upstairs bathroom and we found some mold.

B&W reaction: “Everybody get your shit together, we are moving.”

Grey reaction: “OK lets asess the damage and get some estimates.”

Situation 7:  People laughing in a meeting when you are talking.

B&W reaction: “Great, I just said something stupid, I have spinach in my teeth, I bet my gynecologist  took a picture of me in those stirrups and emailed it to all my co workers”

Grey reaction: “Oh, someone said something silly”

Situation 8:  I’m suddenly (finally) losing a little weight

B&W reaction: “Oh, well, I guess its time to start thinking about putting some money aside for my funeral, so its not a burden to those I love.”

Grey reaction: “Oh, my running and yoga are starting to pay off.”

Situation 9:  Trying not to eat as much sugar, and you have a less than successful day at it

B&W reaction: “Forget this, pull into Chic filet and order the bucket size chocolate milkshake with whip and go lay in bed.”

Grey reaction: “Oops, shouldn’t of had that cookie, lets try again tomorrow.”

Situation 10:  Haven’t seen family in as while, been busy, feel distant

B&W reaction: “Ugh, they hate me, and I don’t even know these people anymore.”

Grey reaction: “Wow, its been a little bit, I need to keep in touch better.”

This is a daily struggle, people. Sometimes hourly. Let’s broaden our color palette! More color, less ulcers.

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Worry is our state of mind

worry, worrying
How much time do we spend worrying?
Worrying about our health…
Worrying about money…
Worrying about what he thinks, what she thinks, what they think…
Worrying about your son’s middle and high school years, getting his driver’s license, a broken heart, peer pressure, choices…
Worrying about the fact that you can’t spell license…
Worrying about how much we’re worrying…(that’s a fun one)
Worrying about whether you are going to get stuck in the MRI machine, and if it breaks or if zombies come…would the tech bother pulling you out or not…
Worrying about large people fitting into an MRI…
Worrying about whether you will fall walking down the aisle on your wedding day…
Worrying about your grey hairs…
Worrying about your dark spots on your upper lip that make you look like you have a mustache…
Worrying about your coupon expiration dates, and the fact that you collect coupons and never use them…
Worrying about saying something stupid in a meeting at work…
Worrying about cancer…
Worrying about when you’re going to die…
Worrying about the country…
Worrying about the fact that you don’t blog enough…
Worrying about the neighborhood going to crap…
Worrying about whether you have lead poisoning from the pencil you just stabbed yourself with…
Worrying that everyone’s house looks bigger and nicer than yours…
Worrying about the friend’s that never call you…
(None of these are mine of course)

Understanding that worrying about these things is what makes us human, if there is nothing in this moment that you can do about them. STOP!!

Let the thought go in, acknowledge it, decide whether you can do something about it in the very near future or not, and then move on. Not move on and continue to think about it, but truly move on. Find something to entertain yourself with, watch a Netflix show, go for a run, read a book, go to work, cook something delicious, help someone, do some online shopping, refuse to entertain anything but positive thoughts.

I spend 70% of my time worrying. It is mental and physical work because it actually tires me out and at the end of the day I have less to give my family. Think about it. It is absolutely useless, and we do it over and over and over again.

I want to live my life and be at peace as much as I can. And some days are a blur because I was a walking worry bubble from morning till night. It starts as soon as my feet hit the floor.
On my death bed I don’t think I’ll ever say “Man, I wish I worried more.” I am learning to chalk it up to my brain being an asshole, and refusing to pay attention.

YOUR BRAIN IS AN ASSHOLE. This is the moral of this story. (Sorry, Im sure your brain has a lot of good qualities too.) But, mostly its an asshole.

Im going to go now and spend some quality time with my boyfriend instead of worrying that I don’t spend enough quality time with my boyfriend. Yep, Im going upstairs to make out.
In the meantime, maybe check out Mel Robbins and her 5 second rule. You can use it for worry, and a slew of other things.

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Strange observations

This week has been pretty um….stressful, and just all around dumb. However, on my journeys out of the house to search for sanity,  I was able to make some strange observations.

I dropped Dylan off at camp and found this nice lady collecting weeds for a salad on the hill in the parking lot. I never knew the YMCA had such fresh arugula. #camptotable

mesclun mix or arugula?


So, then I went for a walk and as I passed by one of the neighborhood houses I saw the aftermath of what may have been the result of one too many Coors Lights. (Also I must note that this is the neighbor that yelled at me  because Dylan tried to push over the top of his son’s carefully built snow fort). And furthermore, I would be a horrible insurance claims adjustor because I just can’t put the pieces together here. Did he run into his own fence? Did someone lose control on this 20 mph neighborhood road, and crash into the fence and truck?? I got nothin…

too many Coors Lightstoo many Coors Lights too many Coors Lights


And last but not least, while looking up rotator cuff exercises, (because I am in pain 93% of the time and $4,000, and 4 rich doctor’s later,  no one can tell me why) ..I found this helpful information…

I underlined the important part to keep you informed. You can thank me later.

when to go the hospital

Oh, and  I bought milkshakes two days in a row and ruined a crockpot meal ….again.

I also ordered pizza without asking for the specials first and ended up getting two medium pizzas for $32.00 when I could have gotten two larges for $15. I like to do everything the hard way, and I also like to throw my money in the toilet. Thats all I have today.

You will have to get your inspiration some where else. Toodles!


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We’re doing it wrong

too much sugarLet’s talk about health…

You may have heard that the recommended steps in a day is 10,000, which equals about 5 miles.

(And if you actually want to lose weight you need to increase that.)

…I’m lucky if I get 4,000 steps a day.

The CDC claims that adults should have 2 hours and 30 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity (i.e., vigorous walking) every week and weight training on 2 or more days. For even better benefits… they recommend 5 hours each week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity (ie. jogging) every week and weight training 2 or more days a week.

Let’s talk about sugar…

Recommended intake of sugar for women is 25 grams or 6 tsp.
They recommend 9 tsp for men (And, yes, you can add that one to the list of reasons why men have it easier.)

Let’s start with coffee – My natural, organic, “only 5 ingredient” vanilla coffee cream is 5 grams of sugar per tbsp– Considering I use about 4 tbsp that’s a total of 20 grams. Now do I just have one cup? Probably not.

How about the whole grain, no artificial sweeteners, cereal I ate this morning?
A serving size is 1 1/4 cup which is 17 grams. My servings look more like 2 cups …so let’s see…..that’s 27 grams.

Let’s add 6 grams for lunch.

Oh, and what was that? I stopped at Starbucks this afternoon? (of course I did!) Add 30 grams for the vanilla latte.

Add 7 grams for dinner- (That balsamic dressing alone is 5/6 grams.)

In the evening we all like a little treat, Ben & Jerry’s serving size is 1/2 a cup at 23 grams per serving -PER SERVING!!!! So when I sit there and watch a movie and eat most of the pint (while leaving a golf ball sized ice cream ball at the bottom to maintain some dignity) thats a little over 3 servings.. A whopping 69 grams! Now, granted I only do this one once a week…twice if it’s been an especially bad week)

Oh, and the kettle corn that I’m sitting here eating while I blog, a serving is 2 cups of popcorn at 9 grams per serving. Considering I shove it into my face like I’ve been starving for a week, that’s easily 2 cups or more. So, let’s add 9 grams.

That puts me at 168 grams of sugar. Mmmm that’s kinda different than 6 grams. There are four calories in one gram. So just in sugar today I’ve had 692 calories.
It comes out to 42 teaspoons in total.

It’s time to come out of denial, so we can be stronger and healthier for our families. So we can wake up easier, work smarter, play better, and feel our best. So we can enjoy our grandchildren one day while we still feel good. The facts are sitting right there on your delicious family size bag of peanut M&M’s. Sugar is TOXIC! It is bad for your heart, it interferes with immune function, contributes to cancer, causes brain fog, it has a toxic effect on the liver, accelerates aging, rots your teeth, and is linked to early death due to a variety of different reasons.

These are all very depressing and too serious to keep ignoring. If you are already at 6 grams of sugar a day then God bless you child. If you are like me and have been using it as a crutch for decades, here are some links below to help get you off to a good start (and also to scare you even more :/ … Good luck.

** Wait!! Stop! Before you run off to eat your kale chia bar let me add a disclaimer here..
6 grams of sugar is pretty much humanly impossible for me I mean COME ON!!!! WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION!!! Have a little compassion!! But in all seriousness, I am very motivated to cut it WAY DOWN. Because as of right now, Im headed for diabeetus. (*said in the voice of Wilford Brimley)

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Potato councils and butt lemons

Happy Tuesday.

I have some pointless things to discuss.


First of all this makes me giggle…

bad spellers

What is a Potato Council? And is the National Potato Council the boss of potato councils. Is there a National avocado council?

potato council

Ever seen a butt lemon?

butt lemon

Well, now you have. You’re welcome.

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